Sparklet,
I'm in no position to give practical advice here - I've never been in your situation, and I hope that I never will be.
Having said that, it's obvious from the responses that there's a lot of members who do know exactly what they're talking about here, and who also hold you in high regard - enough regard to be able share their own pain. I'd listen to them.
All I can offer is my time if you need to unload on someone.
tim
x